I think I read into dreams so much but honestly I feel like it is a way that my heavenly father speaks to me. My grandma visited me in a dream and I just feel like dreams are ways I get many answers to my prayers. Well I had a dream last night that I just have to share so I don't forget it but after I had Sienna I wished so badly that I was able to have some time with her before she passed away. I wished I was able to see the life in her instead of her limp body. That was so hard for me. It was hard for me to read mothers stories that got that and I wished so badly that I could have that. Well I know this sounds weird but last night I dreamt about my delivery and this time she had life in her. I had a dream that I delivered her and she was still alive. The doctor said it was a matter of hours before she passed away and I just remember in my dream her looking up at me and seeing that bond that we had and changing her first/last diaper and just holding her in my arms with her moving. I wanted to cry with excitement when I woke up because in my dreams I was able to hold my baby girl and see her stare back at me. I think heavenly father knew that I wanted that so bad so he made it come true in my dreams. I feel like I got a little bit more closure even after I woke up and yet it made me so baby hungry to hold my own baby in my arms again and see those precious eyes staring back at me. I know I have my son but I try to hold him and cuddle him but can you imagine an almost 3 year old cuddling like that. There is no way except for when he is sleeping. But it just made me so happy that I got to have the bond with my angel in my dreams. I love you sweet girl!!!
I also wanted to share that last weekend as I went on a trip with my husband which was muchly needed I thought to myself as we were driving I am finally starting to feel truly happy again since I have had Sienna. I actually smiled for real instead of forcing it out of me. I actually felt like I will be okay that I can make it and I am seeing the end of this depression and the beginning of my happiness again. I am not going to lie I know I will still have days that I just want to lock myself in my room and cry but I am actually seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Things are starting to move along with Quin's job searching and it is bringing so much more hope to when we can have another beautiful baby.
I am starting to love life again and each day is getting better!:)