Monday, February 7, 2011

Wished You Were Here

Dearest Sienna,
We sure did miss you yesterday but for some reason we felt your spirit with us. It was hard as we sat at your cousins baby blessing and wished we were the ones giving you a blessing. It was hard as your daddy turned to me and said "Things like this are hard aren't they?" as his eyes started welling up with tears. That was the first time I had seen him cry since your funeral so I could tell that he was really missing you too. Stuff like that makes me wonder what life would have been like if you were here with us and it just isn't fair sometimes that we don't have you. Your big brother still points at everything pink and says its your favorite color. So I hope pink is your favorite color cause you will have one disappointed big brother;) He looks up to you and I hope you still come see him every now and then. It is hard cause some days I feel like last year never happened and everything is a blur that I have to go look at the pictures of you and know that you exist and that you are my daughter. I have been a horrible mother and haven't visited your grave especially since you are only a couple of minutes from us. Please forgive me sweetheart your mommy is struggling. I have brought a swing upstairs from when I watched your cousin and it is hard every time I pass the room that was suppose to be yours and I can picture you in that swing. I try and keep that door closed cause it hurts sometimes knowing that you were suppose to be here in that room. I know I can be strong but for today I miss you and I wish you were here.
Your forever Mommy