Sienna's Story

I finally am writing her story on here for those who are visiting my blog for the first time and don't know what happened to her. Well here it is from the beginning...

 I had a dream in December of 2009 and in these dreams I kept dreaming about a little girl playing with Gavin(my 2 year old son) and I had these dreams for the next week. I finally had a feeling that that was heavenly father telling me that we needed to get pregnant. We were going to wait until the fall of 2010 but I talked to Quin(my husband) about my dreams and told him that I think we should get pregnant. We prayed and fasted about it and both had the feeling that we should get pregnant. We signed me up for insurance and a month later we found out we were pregnant. I couldn't believe how fast it took to get pregnant. We were so excited!

 This was me the day I found out. I was so happy and wanted to document my growth every 4 weeks since I never did that when I was pregnant with Gavin. I was 4 weeks here.

 We waited a few days before we told our family cause I wanted to find a way to show them. Gavin loved books so we got this book and brought it to his grandparents house to show his new book. He was really excited to have a little sister. Before we even knew what we were having he would point to my belly and say "Baby Sister!"

 8 weeks

 12 Weeks

 16 Weeks ( I should have known by now that I wasn't growing much in my stomach area.)

 We went to our 19 week appointment to find out the gender and I wasn't surprised when I found out with was a girl. We both knew when we went in that it would be a girl. But that was the day our world came crashing down well kind of... the lady that did our ultrasound was really rude. She was having a hard time seeing certain things like the chambers of the heart and when she measured her she was only measuring 16 weeks so 3 weeks behind what I was. She kept saying I was wrong about my last period and thought I was lying about my due date. She told me we would have to come back to check the heart cause she couldn't find everything.

 We came back 4 weeks later and she was only measuring 18 weeks when I was 24 weeks along. They still couldn't see her heart and said it looked like there was an abnormality to it. That is when I got scared.

 This is me at 20 weeks. A lot of people couldn't tell I was pregnant cause I was so small still.

 This is at 24 weeks when I found out that there was something wrong with my baby. When they couldn't find the 4 chambers of the heart they sent me to a different hospital to get a better look on their machines because they were more high tech and they dealt with problems in pregnancies. This was the day our world came to a complete stop.

We went into the doctors office completely scared to death not knowing what to expect and hoping that they wouldn't find anything wrong or that if there was something wrong that it would be very fixable. When I layed down on the bed and they nurse started the ultrasound she was quiet the whole time and then just said they needed to go get a doctor to tell me the news. The doctor then came in and told me she had a hole in her heart and asked if I wanted to do the amniotic fluid test where there took part of the fluid and tested it. He said there is a small chance of miscarriage but I wanted to know so I took the test. They said it would take about 4 days for the results. He then said she was only measuring 19 1/2 weeks and I was 24 weeks at this point. They specialist then came in and told me about trisomy 13 and 18 and thought that that was what she had since she didn't have signs of down syndrome. I felt like my world had stopped and it was such an out of body feeling. We then called all my family told them the news and asked if they could pray and fast that she would make it. 4 days later they called and said she had down syndrome and that we would need to go in every week to check how she was doing. I just prayed everyday at this point that she would have made it. 

Here I am at 28 weeks and at this point they told me she wasn't going to make it cause she wasn't growing at all, they found out my placenta had down syndrome and that she wasn't getting any nutrients through the umbilical chord and it was just a matter of time before she passed away. 

I was 31 weeks and on my birthday I knew she wasn't alive so we went in the day after my birthday and found out her heart had stopped and they admitted me into the hospital that night. I was in 13 hours of painful labor cause they had to induce me and I think it was worse cause I was so stressed that I had to deliver a dead baby. She was born on September 15, 2010 at 7:30 and she was 14 ounces and 11 inches long. It was so surreal once they laid her on my stomach and she was laying there so limp. She looked so beautiful and perfect to me but I have never felt so empty in my life.

This was a lamb that Gavin was saving for her and when he walked into the room the first thing he said was. "sister is with Jesus" He knew right then where she was and he was so attached to that lamby that day. 

I am so glad that I had my son during this hard time and he was such a sweetheart that day. I tried to stay as happy as I could that day she he wouldn't see the pain I was going through. 

Her feet were so perfect and Quin now wears this ring around a necklace everyday. It brings a smile to my face every time I see it. 

We have matching bracelets. I don't wear mine cause it is so precious to me that I don't want it to break so I have it on a shelf next to this picture. 

It was so hard to let her go that day when the mortician came and picked her up. I didn't want her to leave and it was the worst leaving a hospital empty handed. 

Quin said it was so hard for him to carry that casket. My mom also mentioned that I carried her in the beginning while he carried her in the end. 

Gavin laid her lamby on the casked without anyone asking him too and the lamby stayed there through the whole service. 

When we let off balloons it was so peaceful and the balloons even formed an S like Sienna was saying that she is there with us. 

It was so hard for us to lay a rose on her casked and say our last goodbyes. 

Sienna will always be in my heart and there is never a day that passes that I don't think of her