I have been struggling on and off for the past month and a half but I am trying to do projects to keep myself busy. I think I have too many projects that I have wanted to do that it is becoming overwhelming but I am starting one at a time. I have a memory box that I just bought to put all of Sienna's stuff in it and I want to decorate it a little more. But I am not babysitting my niece anymore which I think will help me heal a little bit cause it was hard watching her cause she reminded me of Sienna so much. Conference also helped me to an extent but I know it won't heal me overnight. There were some great talks that gave me peace and comfort though.
I am just taking it a day at a time now. And learning to love my new normal. Loosing Sienna has changed me forever and it is hard cause I am not the spunky happy person all the time and I have lost some friends cause they just don't know what to say around me anymore which is sad but I have also gained some amazing friends who have helped me along the way. This is who I am now. I am a mother who has lost a child and I will never be the same and I am grateful for those who have accepted me for who I am now. I am trying to find ways to pay it forward in honor of Sienna so that is another project I am searching for. I am looking forward to having a rainbow baby and can't wait to find out when I am pregnant. But for now I will take baby steps to healing.