Tuesday, March 15, 2011

6 Months Gone

I can't believe it has been 6 months since I said goodbye to my sweet Sienna. It seems like years ago but at the same time it seems like just yesterday. I can't believe how far I have come and grown since I had her. I am now starting to accept it and enjoy the blessings that she has brought into our lives. I feel so blessed to have a daughter like her. This year has been so busy for us and I feel like that is a good thing cause I don't sit and cry everyday. I am surprisingly doing okay until I talked to my mom today and all she asked was how I was doing and I broke down. It is crazy how it can hit you so hard and you loose it.
I want to share an experience since this is my Sienna journal. My little sister went through the temple two weeks ago to receive her endowments and as soon as I stepped into the celestial room Sienna was standing right next to me. I have never felt her that close and it was such an overwhelming amazing feeling. I felt bad cause all my family was standing around talking and I was such an emotional wreck so Quin took me to a couch and we both sat down and held each other. There was a space next to me on the couch so I put my hand down and I felt her hand lay right on top of me. When it was time to go I just starting crying hard cause I didn't want to leave that room. I wanted to be that close to my Sienna. It was like as soon as I stepped out of that room she was gone. She sure is telling me that if I want to be with her I need to go to the temple more often.
Today I have had my ups and downs and I have had some amazing women come visit me. Two of them lost their babies just recently so they understood the pain I was going through today. I am so grateful for the women I have met and the strength that they have given me. I have kept pretty busy. Me and Gav went to the store and picked out flowers for her grave which was so much fun. We took them to her grave this after noon and stayed there for a while. As we are about to leave I tell Gav to say goodbye to Sienna and he runs over to her grave and gives the air a hug and a kiss almost as if she was standing right there. It was so cute and as we were walking to the car he kept saying "I love you Sienna!" I miss my sweet girl so much and I am looking forward to seeing her again!

Gav picked out the pinwheel flower and it was fun to watch him try and put it in the ground.

Such a proud big brother!

Sienna's new decor on her grave.


stephanie said...

Oh my goodness, you've got me crying. What a gift from Sienna to show you how close she is to you.
And a comfort too.

The flowers are adorable, Gav did a great job picking them out.

Aubrey said...

I have to prepare myself everytime I read an update on this blog. My kids always wonder why I'm bawling my eyes out. You are so strong and amazing. Gavin is looking so much like you, I think. He is such a gift to remind you that she is there and he can see her with his perfect eyes. That experience in the temple is amazing. You will be glad you wrote it down and you can cherish it because those are the memories that fade when you are missing her the most. Remember, to visit her often and the process will move along. I love you like crazy! You are one of my favorite people in the whole wide world and there's only a handful of those at most.

Owen and Krae said...

That picture with Gav is SO adorable. He looks very happy to see his sister. :)
I'm glad you were able to visit her both in the temple, and at her grave.
You are so amazing, and so strong! We still think about Sienna often. :) Love you!