I am going to start at when I thought Sienna had passed away. A week before I had Sienna was my last doctors appointment with the high risk. She said it was a matter of time before she was gone. She told me to go on with my life and not worry about resting cause there was no hope. The day after that appointment I felt sick to my stomach and I just felt like something was wrong the whole day. I was in the worst mood the whole and knew something was just not right. That was the day I stopped feeling my baby girl move. It broke my heart cause I knew that was the day she had passed. Me and my husband had stuff planned that weekend for my birthday so I thought I would wait until my next doctors appointment to wait to see if she still was alive or not. That Sunday my whole family did a fast that Sienna and our family would have peace with her passing. That night we broke our fast and my husband Quin gave me a blessing. Some of the words he said in the blessing hit me really hard. One thing he said was that I would let go of Sienna cause her mission was done here on this earth and she had things to do in heaven. I didn't realize but at that moment I knew I wasn't letting go of her and that I needed too. Peace came over me as he gave me that blessing and I knew that she was done with her mission here on earth. It was an amazing spiritual night for our family. Quin got a blessing that night from his dad and in it his dad said that we will look forward to having more children and that has been hard for me and Quin to think about cause we are scared to have more kids with what we have been through with Sienna but I know only time can heal and we will have to see how we feel in a year. We are going to take time for our family next year to enjoy one another and to heal from this trial we have faced.
We went in on Tuesday for our appointment. I came packed and I packed Gavin so he could stay with my mom. I knew that we wouldn't hear a heart beat when we went in that day. We headed into the office and me and Quin were quiet the whole time knowing that we knew it was the day we would find out our sweet girl wasn't with us anymore. It was a long wait cause our doctor was doing a delivery and when she finally came in she put me on the table and tried to find the heart beat. You could tell she was having a hard time and didn't want to search forever so she took us over into the next room to check it on the ultrasound. As soon as we saw Sienna and her heart standing still our hearts just sunk and it hit us hard that we wouldn't be raising this little girl. She called labor and delivery and they told us to come back in a couple of hours. I went back to my moms while Quin went home and packed.
It was not fun for us to go back to the hospital knowing we wouldn't come out with a baby. We had the sweetest people helping us from the second we got into the hospital. Angel watch called the hospital and made sure we had the best care possible while we were there and we sure did. Labor was not fun for me at all since they had to induce me. It was way easier when I was in labor with Gavin. I started to feel contractions an hour after they gave me the pill so I asked for some pain medicine. They put some in my IV and I got sick to my stomach and felt like I was going to pass out. After that wore off I told them I didn't want the stuff in the IV and that I wanted the epidural. I was barely dilated to a 1 but the pain was more then I could handle. The guy came in and gave me the epidural and I felt it work right away.
It was the longest night of my life. I barely slept 10 minutes here and there and I had horrible side effects to the medicine. I felt the contractions even though I had the epidural. Finally 12 hours after being in labor the nurse check me and I was only a 2 but the baby was coming out. She hurry and called the doctor and she was there within 20 minutes. The nurse then pushed on my stomach and Sienna practically fell out of me. She was still in the sac cause the water hadn't broke but she broke it and set Sienna on my chest. They hurry and cleaned things up and left the room so that me and Quin could have alone time with her. It was so hard to see her limp body laying there. I felt so empty as I laid there staring at her. It was so hard for us at that moment but we knew she was better now. After a while being with her we asked the nurse to come clean and dress her.
After she was cleaned and dressed the photographer from now I lay me down to sleep came and took the most amazing pictures of her that I know we would cherish forever. We had so many visitors and so much support that helped get me and Quin through that day. As soon as Gavin came in the room we showed him his sister and without us saying a word her said "she is with Jesus." He knew that that wasn't her spirit with that body. He was a little nervous to be around her but he warmed up to her. He brought her lamb and showed it to her but he held on that lamb all day long.
The hardest part for me was when the mortician came and asked us to wrap her up so she is completely covered and Quin carried her down to the car. I did not want to let go of her at that time and once they took her out of the room it was so hard for me to see that empty bassinet sitting next to my bed so when Quin came back they took it out of my room. I wanted to leave the hospital right then cause I didn't like being there without the baby but the hospital set up a romantic dinner for me and Quin to have before we left so we stayed there for another hour then they brought us in an amazing dinner. They were so good to us and I have never been treated so well at any other hospital. We had the best experience there despite our situation. I had a hard time saying goodbye to my nurse cause she was so good to us and we felt very connected with her. It was good to be home but I kept forgetting that I just delivered a baby and wanted to move on with my life but I have been in a lot of pain and have to remember that I have to rest and take care of myself.