This month which most of you know is loss of Infant Awareness. Exactly a month after I had her which was a couple days ago. Me and a neighbor ran to her grave from my house which was about 3 miles round trip and was a little hard for me since I am still not in the best of shape but getting there. My sweet neighbor ran with flowers to put on her grave and we sat there for a while at her grave as I cried cause all the emotions were coming back. The run to her grave was hard but it seemed like the run back home was so much easier. My sweet angel was pushing me along. This past month all I have wanted to do is have another baby to feel in this emptiness but as I was running home I felt like I really wanted to do a full marathon in honor of Sienna. There is one next September so that will give me year to prepare and hopefully it won't take us long to get pregnant after that. I want to show Sienna that I can do this marathon and through this marathon I will show her the strength and trial I will overcome in this next year. My neighbor told me about a race next June that they run for loss of infants and she asked if she could run in honor of Sienna. That brought tears to my eyes and it made me want to do it too. So this next year I will focus on doing races and getting back in shape and it will be for her and for me since I want to loose this weight and feel like it isn't coming off fast enough but yes I know it takes time but it is hard when you don't have a baby so you feel you are fat for no reason.
Yesterday they did a walk for loss of infants at the Larkin Cemetery downtown. It was so beautiful and the speaker was Carolyn from Angel Watch who had helped me and Quin through this trial. She did an amazing job. I met some amazing mothers who have been through the same thing as me so it helped to talk to them about what we are feeling through all of this. After the speaker we walked around the Cemetery then got a balloon and wrote Sienna's name on it with a little message. They then played beautiful music and called the babies names. As her name was read we released her balloon. It was very emotional and made me sad to see so many balloons and knowing that so many families have gone through the same pain as us. They have done this walk for 15 years and this is something we will go back every year and do. Each week is getting a little easier for us.