Sunday, October 17, 2010

Loss of Infant Awareness Month

This month which most of you know is loss of Infant Awareness. Exactly a month after I had her which was a couple days ago. Me and a neighbor ran to her grave from my house which was about 3 miles round trip and was a little hard for me since I am still not in the best of shape but getting there. My sweet neighbor ran with flowers to put on her grave and we sat there for a while at her grave as I cried cause all the emotions were coming back. The run to her grave was hard but it seemed like the run back home was so much easier. My sweet angel was pushing me along. This past month all I have wanted to do is have another baby to feel in this emptiness but as I was running home I felt like I really wanted to do a full marathon in honor of Sienna. There is one next September so that will give me year to prepare and hopefully it won't take us long to get pregnant after that. I want to show Sienna that I can do this marathon and through this marathon I will show her the strength and trial I will overcome in this next year. My neighbor told me about a race next June that they run for loss of infants and she asked if she could run in honor of Sienna. That brought tears to my eyes and it made me want to do it too. So this next year I will focus on doing races and getting back in shape and it will be for her and for me since I want to loose this weight and feel like it isn't coming off fast enough but yes I know it takes time but it is hard when you don't have a baby so you feel you are fat for no reason.
Yesterday they did a walk for loss of infants at the Larkin Cemetery downtown. It was so beautiful and the speaker was Carolyn from Angel Watch who had helped me and Quin through this trial. She did an amazing job. I met some amazing mothers who have been through the same thing as me so it helped to talk to them about what we are feeling through all of this. After the speaker we walked around the Cemetery then got a balloon and wrote Sienna's name on it with a little message. They then played beautiful music and called the babies names. As her name was read we released her balloon. It was very emotional and made me sad to see so many balloons and knowing that so many families have gone through the same pain as us. They have done this walk for 15 years and this is something we will go back every year and do. Each week is getting a little easier for us.

Me and Quin got bracelets that say "In my heart Always" and it has little baby feet on it.

Walking as a family around the cemetery.

Me and Gav with our balloon for Sienna.

Waiting to release her balloon.

Right after we released her balloon. It is the biggest pink one.

Gavin with sisters lamby.


Rochelle said...

I had no idea they had races in remembrance of babies. How awesome! What a great goal for yourself to focus on.
Looking forward to hearing your progress over the year and for that great announcement to come when you are ready to be pregnant again.
Still praying...

Carrie said...

What a great goal! For me, running is my daily therapy. I'm so glad to hear that little by little things are going better...we pray for you all!

nennermommy said...

I was so glad we came! I look forward to next year :) Maybe I should get my butt in gear and run the marathon with you???

Angie said...

Sounds like an awesome experience! I am so glad you are able to participate in things like this --I am sure it helps with the healing process as well as gives you comfort to have those around you who have been through the same thing. She is a sweetheart! I love the bear too! :)

Tracy said...

Still checking on you daily. Still praying for you often. Still sending love.

Jeana said...

What a special event, Carolyn is so awesome. She was so compassionate and understanding. I would love to run in that race next year for Siena. Her little bear is so precious. We picked out fabric for Kaelyn too, and it was so hard. The lady at the counter asked us what it was for and we told her it was for a baby blanket and she was going on about how it wasn't enough to make a baby blanket. I just about broke down right there. Praying that you will continue to feel peace and know your little girl is close by.

Debbie said...

I'm glad you got to go to that event. My friend lost a son and then twin girls a year after that, and they go to that event every year. They've now been blessed with a baby girl, but they make a point to always remember their other children. They decorate their graves on their birthdays, and do the walks of remembrance. I think it's great you're doing those things too. It's great for sweet little Gavin to remember his sister too. Keep it up, you're doing great Tree. I think about you often. Let me know if you ever want to talk.