Sunday, December 12, 2010

Decorating the Grave

We went to Sienna's grave about a week ago and put a little Joy decoration on it. I love pink and stars so I loved this decoration. Every time Gavin sees something pink he always says "Its pink like Sienna!" and he always says it with great excitement. He takes great honor in his sister which I love. He woke up the other day and told me that Sienna told him that she wants her lamby back so he hasn't been as attached to it cause I guess its Sienna's now and he wants to give it to her. It is amazing the things he says about her and the conversations I guess they have that he tells me about. He was doing awesome potty training but now has had accidents a lot but I bet it is because of the stress I have had during the holidays. It has been really hard for me but I try to put on a happy face. I have been happy for the most part but when I start talking about Sienna to people that is when I loose it. It is so good for me to talk about her to people but I feel like some people are like "Shut up already I am sick of hearing about her and you should be over her by now!" but I am happy to have recently found a group of BLM's (baby loss mommas) that have helped me so much and it gives me so much comfort to read their stories and to know that I am not alone. A lot of them have lost babies years ago and still have days that they just want to cry and be mad at the world so I am so happy to know that I can turn to them for comfort cause they know exactly what I am going through. I have had great support with everyone but honestly you never know what a mother goes through who has lost a child until you have gone through it. As hard as it has been to loose Sienna I have been so blessed to have met so many amazing women who have done amazing things in honor of their babies they have lost. I am trying to find something I can do in honor of Sienna but for now I am working on this marathon once my knee heals. And I am still working on my healing process but I want to help out any way I can to mothers who have lost babies too.

Gavin looks a little silly in this picture cause as you can see he was in the middle of eating a cookie when I took a picture of him.

Gav and Daddy with Sienna

Our decoration with her marking. It will have to do for now until we get a headstone.

I love you Sienna! I look happy here but 5 minutes after this I was a basket case and couldn't stop crying. I just miss my baby!


Jenny said...

Thats great you found a support group of other Moms who have been through what you have. I imagine no one could possibly know what you are feeling unless they too have lost a child. I think about you often, you are still in my prayers.

Rochelle said...

We lit a candle for the worldwide candle lighting ceremony last night, remembering all children who have died. Sienna was in our hearts and in our prayers, we prayed for you all.

TUC said...

What a beautiful marker for your little girl. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about not being "over her". So few have been where you are, so few understand. I wish you peace during this holiday season.

Owen and Krae said...

I love how you all were able to decorate her grave! It's beautiful!