A better year?

Will I get a better year this year? I hope so! Wow last year was pretty much the hardest year I have ever had. I have read some women's blogs about accepting the fact that their baby died. Lets just say I am not to that point yet. It is still so hard for me and hopefully someday I will say that I can accept it but for now I am still in the healing process.

As I look back on last year it seemed to have flown by but at the same time I feel like I was in limbo most of the year and my life was stuck waiting. I have looked back on the many blessings we received last year and am so grateful for everything that we were given. I have also had times as I look back and wish I could fast forward time and wish that we never got the news that Sienna wouldn't make it and that we would have had a healthy baby girl.

I don't know if any of you have seen the movie Tangled but it was a great movie but at the same time extremely hard for me to see. In the movie and I hope I don't give it away but they let off glowing lanterns on the princess's birthday every year and the worst was Gavin said " Look its like Sienna!" during the movie and I just lost it. I was a wreck during the whole movie and tried to hold in my tears but couldn't. The movie reminded me of her so much and letting of the balloons at her grave and we talked about making it a tradition to let off balloons on her birthday every year. Anyways I was a wreck the rest of the new year cause we went back to my in laws and all the boys were playing video games while the girls were taking care of their brand new babies. That was the last straw. I couldn't be there anymore. It was like someone had ripped my heart out as I was sitting there watching this happen. I had to leave the room immediately cause I couldn't hold the tears back any longer! Quin being the most amazing husband ever followed me and asked what was wrong. I told him it wasn't fair that I had to sit there and feel left out that I didn't have a baby and that the guys were having a great time playing games. He completely understood and took me home and spent the rest of the night with me watching a movie and cuddling. Seriously I couldn't ask for a more amazing husband!!! I am sitting here crying because of how blessed I am to have him.

Anyways I am hoping for a better year and hoping he will get a great job with benefits so that I can get pregnant again. I started an 8 week program that will keep my occupied until then. I am excited for this year and for what it has to hold. I know it can't be worst then last year at least lets hope and pray it won't be:)!