I am happy to say that I am doing better except for this dang cold that I have that is taking forever to go away. Thanks everyone for the comments you left on my venting post. I felt bad that I sounded so depressed but it made me feel better to let it all out. Like I said a lot of people thought I had it all together but I am good at putting on a happy face even when I am down. I am nervous for these holidays and don't know how they will affect me but it seems like I will have a busy month and a half so hopefully I won't have a ton of time to dwell on my feelings.
The reasoning of why I have been doing better is because I have had promptings every week that I need to go to the temple since I have had Sienna and I finally got around to it last weekend and I went with my mom. I did initiatories and I haven't done those since I first went through the temple to get my endowments done so it was amazing to hear the blessings. But as I was standing in one of the rooms before the worker came and got me. The spirit just overwhelmed me and I felt Sienna standing right next to me. I can't explain the amazing feeling that overcame me. And as I was standing there by myself I could almost hear her saying that everything will be okay and that she loved me so much. After that I lost it and I was crying through the whole session because of the joy that I felt from feeling my daughters spirit in the temple that day.
I am so grateful for the gospel and don't know how I could make it through this trial without it. Yeah I have my days like the day that I wrote my venting post but since I went to the temple I feel like I am able to get through this a little bit better. After I finished the session and walked out and say my mom standing there in white it made me cry cause it made me think of how amazing it will be the day I pass away and walk through the veil and see Sienna standing there on the other side waiting for me. I can't wait for that day and know it will be such an amazing reunion!
I know that she is preparing our other children to come down to this earth and I hope that they will all be healthy cause it will be hard for me to loose another one. I am running a 10k this Thanksgiving and I wasn't going to do it cause I have been sick with a cold but as soon as I thought about that I thought about Sienna fighting for her life even though she was sick inside of me so I had to sign up cause even if I am sick I will fight my hardest to get through this race cause Sienna is a fighter and I want her to know that her mommy is a fighter too and this is my first race to prove to her that I can fight for her and accomplish a great goal. My goal is to finish it in an hour and I hope I can do that. Every race I do in the next year I know I will be thinking of Sienna through the steps, sweat, and tears and I am dedicating every race to her. I love you sweet girl and I hope you are there cheering for me;)!