Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The joys a kick can bring
Since my grandma passed away Monday night I hadn't felt Sienna move inside of me. Today I laid on my bed for over an hour holding my stomach hoping I would feel her and I felt nothing. Then I started thinking she probably passed away with my grandma. I have 2 doctors and my main one called me today after talking to the other doctor to make sure they were on the same page. She confirmed that they think Sienna will pass away before full term and they said I have an option to deliver her early but they don't know if she will survive long after that and I could just hold her and let her pass away in my arms or I could try to go full term and deliver by primary children's hospital so they can take her as soon as I have her and see if there is any chance for her but that is if I even make it to full term. I had an appointment at the salon tonight which was hard for me to go after hearing the news again that my child won't make it and crying my eyes out again but I knew it would be good for me to go and do what I love. I am glad I went cause my client was a sweet nurse who was so comforting and talked about all the miracles that do happen. I do believe in miracles but I don't want to get my hopes up. I am planning on Sienna passing away and have already started the grieving process. I know it is in heavenly fathers plan and he knows what is best for her. But after my appointment tonight I sat as I read e-mails and I felt kick after kick from Sienna, it was like her telling me she is still here for now. It seems like she moves more when I am happy and relaxed so my goal is to enjoy her while I can cause every kick I feel from her is a miracle.