Monday, August 9, 2010

Why am I feeling like this?!

Since yesterday I have had a feeling that my baby is not going to live. I haven't heard from the doctor yet so it has made my mind wander for the worst. I have seen people that are due around the same time as me and they have a big belly where I still look like I over did it with the chocolate which I have with the emotions going. I keep wondering what if I look chunky instead of pregnant because my baby isn't growing at all. I had a lady at my salon tell me my face looks like it has filled out and I know it isn't from being pregnant it is from emotional eating. Then I have started to blame myself for the reason my baby is like this becuase I ran a half marathon when I was 10 weeks pregnant and it has been hard to not run since cause that is how I get rid of my stress. I have been so scared. My hope is starting to fade. Why hasn't my doctor called me when the cardiologist said this is really concerning and they need to do something about it asap. I have called 3 doctors trying to get an answer and I haven't gotten it yet and I have left 2 messages. I just want to know why she isn't growing and if there is a chance. I don't dare buy a thing for Sienna until I have her here safe and sound and then I keep thinking about delivering a dead baby and how I am going to handle that. I want these feelings to go away but it seems like they won't until I hear from a doctor to tell me they can fix it. Sorry about the negative post but I just need to let it out. I feel like everyone elses world is going on around mine when I am stuck waiting to see if she will live. I miss being happy all the time and I am sick of this pit in my stomach. I just hope it goes away soon.

10 comments:

Angi B said...

I wish I could send you a big hug! Hang in there. But, most importantly, keep track of your kick count card and get a hold of the doctor. I was LOW on amniotic fluid and had to be induced...was measuring small...and everything turned out GREAT! Follow your gut feelings though. The only reason they looked into it is because I insisted. HUGS!

Looking Up said...

No expectant mom should have to go through so much stress. Praying that God gives you peace.

Rochelle said...

Praying for peace for you too and answers from the doctors.
Nothing you have done or haven't done caused the ds or her heart condition. No apologies needed. We all have been there and know how you feel in the waiting.
Try to stay positive I know it is hard in the waiting as human minds we all tend to go to the what if's.

Praying, praying, praying for you!

Owen and Krae said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Envyshope said...

Praying for you and Sienna. Keep on bugging those doctors!!! You know your body and your baby best! Show up in their office if you have to! Hugs to you!

Jenny said...

I wish there was something I could say to help ease your mind, but I know nothing probably will. So just know my prayers are with you and your baby girl, and I hope you find the answers you need soon.

QueenBee said...

Oh Teresa! I wish I could give you a hug. I know it's hard to imagine but you really are in my prayers and I think of you often. When I kept having problems with my pregnancy I really relied on priesthood blessings. Even when we couldn't get 2 priesthood holders just a blessing of comfort from my husband was such a relief. You will make it through this trial an even greater person than you are now and try to remember that Heavenly Father loves you and is watching over you and Sienna. I love you and know that you are a daughter of God! Good luck!

Michelle and Justin Cavender said...

Holy cow, I know how you feel! My doctors don't communicate at all and sometimes my OB/GYN seems less concerned about me and more about her vacation that she is taking this week. Let it out girl! Keep trying to get the answer, because it's your baby, your body and it's all about a good end result. Sometimes, doctors put too much on their plate so keep your head up that someone will contact you. Keep strong woman!

Runningmama said...

Praying for some answers for you and some peace.

Branden and Mindy said...

I love this post because it is real! I think a lot of the time we feel like we have to only put positive stuff on our blogs so people dont think we are crazy or depressed etc. I think it is great that you get it out and remember every bit of what your going through. A few years from now when this is all over you will look back and these posts will give you comfort and you will love to read about sweet Sienna!