Monday, August 9, 2010
Why am I feeling like this?!
Since yesterday I have had a feeling that my baby is not going to live. I haven't heard from the doctor yet so it has made my mind wander for the worst. I have seen people that are due around the same time as me and they have a big belly where I still look like I over did it with the chocolate which I have with the emotions going. I keep wondering what if I look chunky instead of pregnant because my baby isn't growing at all. I had a lady at my salon tell me my face looks like it has filled out and I know it isn't from being pregnant it is from emotional eating. Then I have started to blame myself for the reason my baby is like this becuase I ran a half marathon when I was 10 weeks pregnant and it has been hard to not run since cause that is how I get rid of my stress. I have been so scared. My hope is starting to fade. Why hasn't my doctor called me when the cardiologist said this is really concerning and they need to do something about it asap. I have called 3 doctors trying to get an answer and I haven't gotten it yet and I have left 2 messages. I just want to know why she isn't growing and if there is a chance. I don't dare buy a thing for Sienna until I have her here safe and sound and then I keep thinking about delivering a dead baby and how I am going to handle that. I want these feelings to go away but it seems like they won't until I hear from a doctor to tell me they can fix it. Sorry about the negative post but I just need to let it out. I feel like everyone elses world is going on around mine when I am stuck waiting to see if she will live. I miss being happy all the time and I am sick of this pit in my stomach. I just hope it goes away soon.