Waiting is no fun

I feel like it has been a year since we found out everything about Sienna. Time seems to slow down a lot. I go in tomorrow for them to measure her to see if she has grown at all and we will know if there is hope from there. I am praying for a miracle but I know it isn't in my hands anymore. I have a cute story that made my day. I got this lamb from my parents neighbor and a sweet card that went a long with it. When I got home that day I put the lamb in amongst all of Gavin's stuffed animals thinking that Sienna wouldn't be playing with it so I can just give it to Gavin. Well the next day while Gav was playing with his toys he saw this lamb. He immediately picked up the lamb and marched over to me and said "But Mommy this is baby sisters!" He refused to play with it cause it was his sisters. I then asked him if he wanted me to save it for when she comes and he said yes so it is sitting on his dresser waiting for Sienna. I wish I had the faith and hope that my 2 year old did that day of knowing she will make it.
I was at my grandma's funeral last weekend and Sienna was kicking so much that day. It made me feel so good and I felt my grandma there and I could picture her and Sienna sitting there watching the funeral. Last week we have been discussing about burying her if she doesn't make it. It is a little pricey and we were worried about coming up with the money but at the cemetery at my grandma's funeral I could see my husband walking around looking at all the headstones and after everyone left my mom handed me the last two roses she had left from people putting on the casket and she told me to go put those roses on for Sienna. I lost it right after she said that because moments like a funeral made everything so real to me of her passing away and I did not want that to happen. I want her to fight for her life so we can raise her. My husband held me tight after I put those roses on and said he doesn't care about the money and that we are going to bury her so we have a place to go see her every year. I hope that we don't have to but if we did that it would be nice to have a place to go every year. Now I wish this waiting game is over. I don't like the unknown. I wish I knew everything right now. But I am sure learning a lot of patience which I probably need to learn right now.